Dental, CPS and Life in General

So, I've got a number of dental issues. The damage of years without cleanings because without dental insurance you can't afford these things and well, dental insurance isn't available outside of a job. So now that I have dental insurance I've been trying to get my teeth all cleaned up and taken care of. Well yesterday I had a root canal. The procedure was going ok aside from the fact that this dentist has big hands and it's in the back of my mouth and he just can't get his hands into my mouth without me having to spread my mouth so far open it hurts. Well just when they were almost done, of all things to happen, the instrument broke off inside my tooth. So of course he closed up the tooth and told me what happened and where I would be going. The only thing is he told me they would have a special instrument to remove the item which was wrong. Not that he knew or didn't know this. He didn't charge me for the procedure but I also didn't get the credit I had on my account applied to it. And where  I went to, they charge twice as much plus they wanted to charge me to remove something they weren't removing. In the end, they took that charge off and let me pay the total in two payments one being as far out as a Month and a half. But they didn't seal off the whole aside from yet another temporary filling and they shaved off more of my tooth making it very sharp. Which by the way is very uncomfortable. And I have to go another three weeks eating soft foods I can practically swallow whole. So frustrated with this. 

On another note, I also found out I will not be getting the kids. It's a bunch of BS to give the kids back to a family member who sat there and watched a 6 year old grab a knife, put it to his throat and say that he hated his life and the way they dealt with it was to turn around and drop the kids at CPS. Yet they want to get permanent custody of the children. Not to mention they are supposed to allow other family to visit the children but they wont. My children and I would like to see them. It's been over a year and my children ask about them all the time. Supposedly the Foster Parent was going to call but she didn't even do that. It's so sad how things work out but all I can do is continue to pray about it and leave it is Gods hands to take care of.

~Amanda Kay

The Government, Child Support, Medicaid and Single Moms

So, Child Support is supposed to be for the kids right. And Medicaid is supposed to ensure kids are healthy and have health insurance available. Single Moms need these things more than whole families and these things are provided by the Government. So tell me why if you are a complete family, man, woman and children, you never have to pay these services back but yet if you are a single mom getting child support, that's the first place your money goes? What I'm seeing is that Single Moms have to first pay the Government back for the Medicaid they have for their children. But yet whole families never pay back a dime. Single Moms work hard to provide for their children and must receive child support in order to get any help from most Fathers. Yet the money doesn't even go to them. So being in my shoes, I no longer need Medicaid as I now have private health insurance and so I let my Medicaid go. In doing this I was informed that once the OAG received the letter from Medicaid that our coverage had ended that the $300 they take out each month to pay the Government would come to me to pay for the Health Insurance I have on my children that doesn't prevent me from taking my children to their doctor like the Medicaid does. Well I let it go and sent in copies of my Insurance Cards to the OAG and everything as I was instructed. But now today they tell me they never received anything and that my children now have Chip Medicaid. I never applied for Chip Medicaid. I never renewed my Medicaid and received Cancellation Letters. I also never turned in any paperwork for income that they would have requested from me. Nor do I want the Medicaid as my children cannot see their doctor with it. So now I have to figure out how to cancel this. Then I have to take the time to set up a Change Order for the Child Support to remove the Government from taking $300 a month for Medicaid I do not have, need or want. And instead have it sent to me to pay for their insurance. In order to do any of this, I have to take off from work and do tons more paperwork and instead of making money to support my children, spend my time fixing the mistakes of the Government. I don't know who came up with the rules for this but they sure have a great deal of stupidity if you ask me and all the other Single Moms paying the Government so that they can receive Child Support and Medical Support for their children. And because of it I now have a big mess to fix. You got to love the troubles that find their way to me. Troubles I don't have time to deal with but will figure out.

~Amanda Kay

Life

So it's that time where I decide to call and visit my cousins kids. Only when I call the lady refuses to allow me to see them. So I again reach out to CPS just to find out they were trying to contact me to see if I wanted custody of the children. I tried before but because both mom and dad put their aunt on the list and they had had them previously for short term, they automatically went to them. I think about it and I stress because it's a lot to take on three more kids when you are finally getting somewhere with your life and providing for your children. But I could never turn my back on children. Especially when a child has expressed to you himself at 5 years old that he wants to live with you. This child is now 6 and has told CPS that he doesn't feel loved where he is at. I think to not feel loved as a child is worse than any punishment that could be given. Not to mention he has two younger siblings that can't express how they feel. It's just sad I tell ya. So I'm going through the background check. I know I pass but I don't  know if Chris does. Either way I'm prepared for if they come. All I need is child care. Those children will be so much happier here. I always wanted to do foster care one day. Just didn't think I'd be doing something similar so soon while my children are still so young. I'll literally have a 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 year old in my home. That's 6 kids. 3 boys and 3 girls. I'm already in the system so it's pretty easy to get me in. It's a lot to take in. Lots of big changes. But the kids will be so happy and I can stress how ever much I want. I know God will provide as he always has. He keeps putting this situation in my face. It's what I'm meant to do....

~Amanda Kay

School

So, someone tell me what are all the gallon and quart baggies for in school? I mean I've seen one or two come home throughout the year but not a whole two boxes worth. What do they seriously use them for? I'm just wondering. And another thing, how can I buy my kids their stuff and not put their names on it. It saves the teacher time why can't I make sure what I paid for is what I get. I don't mind helping others in need but if I pay more for something because my child wants or needs it, shouldn't I be able to ensure my child gets theirs. Again I'll even buy extra but if I buy left handed scissors because my son is left handed then I want my son to get to use his left handed scissors. Not right handed. I mean think about it, why do we even need to buy some of these things? I bought scissors for my daughter last year for Kindergarten, but they never came home at the end of the year so what happened to them? And the folders, if I buy plastic folders it's because it's more durable and that's going to make it through the year unlike the paper ones that my children keep bringing home. Just saying!

Random Poem

"I'm in love with;
Your eyes and eyebrows.
That glint in your eye.
Your face and facial features.
Your smell.
The way it feels when we hold hands.
Your nails.
The hair on your arms.
Every inch of your body and how it feels with mine.
Your kisses.
Your hugs.
Your laughs.
The way you can read my facial expressions,
Or tone in my voice.
The way you make me feel.
Us.
The time we spend together,
Though it seems it's never enough.
You.
You.
You.
Just you."

~Author Unknown

Random Ramblings

So I'm talking with this girl at work today. She happens to be a very great friend. Well she's dating this guy at work and well she's the type of girl that understands that men are going to look and flirt and whatever. And she's made this very clear with him but it's like he just doesn't get it because he does things behind her back. It's like as soon as she's gone, he's being real flirty with other girls. She finds out and confronts him and he doesn't see what he did wrong. So here it is, he hid it from her. He never once will look at a girl and check her out or flirt in front of her (which is where it's ok) but he waits till she is gone to do it. And it's not even the fact that she's gone when he does it that matters. It's the fact that he only does it when she's gone and then lies about it. And then get this, he deletes his female friends from his phone and Facebook. But only the ones that he was only friends with, not the girls he went all the way with. How is that normal? How is that ok? And then we have this other guy at work who is married. He says he's separated but he's not and yet he is flirting with all these other females wanting to do things with them. I mean seriously! Is there not a single faithful man left out there? Just saying. They are very hard to find and so many do wrong that it's hard to even trust and give anyone a chance. 

~Amanda Kay

Bandit - An Unexpected Surprise

Just when I thought that I was going to be fine about the death of my cats. I came home to a big surprise. You see, my youngest her solution was to get new kitties and so we did because she did not understand. Well after having them a few weeks and having taken them to the vet for shots and health checks, I come home one day and in the mailbox is a package from the vet. I'm wondering what the heck it could be as I wasn't expecting anything. And once I started opening it and seen what it was I started to cry because what they had done was imprinted my cats paws and sent it to me with a card. I've never known a vet to do such things but it just shows that they care not only about the animals but also about the families.



Needless to say, it's the sweetest thing ever.

~Amanda Kay

What a Day!

So today started off normal and I even got up in time to actually do my hair for once. Has been some time since I have been able. Well then I realize that I need to stop and get gas and well ZayLie just isn't wanting to wake up. So we stop for gas and as always I roll her window down so that she's not just sitting in a hot truck. Well once we are done and getting in the truck to leave, I go to roll up the windoq and it just won't roll up. Seriously why does this happen to me?

So I'm forced to drive to work with the window down. My poor baby girl with the hot air blowing in her face. And after dropping her off of course I have to leave my truck with the window down which is stressful all day and makes it hard to concentrate. I called a mobile window repair guy and he said he could come out at noon and would search for the part on the way. He never called back and never came. Finally I realized I should call my mom for help like I normally do because I can't just sit here calling all day. She finally found one and I got the part on order for her to pick up and they have a return policy. Of course they fail to mention when I tell them she is on her way thet they close in a few so by the time she gets there which by the way she couldn't find it even though he says you have to be blind to miss it. Ans so no part.  Meanwhile I have to keep driving around in the heat all irritated about it. I even took my new fur babies to the vet for first shots and all. Then finally Chris shows up and can help wedge it out of the door. So now it's definitely off track and needs the new parts and is being held closed with duct tape. But hey having it up is better than down. Still stressful and all that but it's a start.  And now I'm exhausted and ready for bed. Let's hope the weekend comes quick. Two more days. Yay.

Until next time...

~Amanda Kay

Work, Writing and Life

Well today July 3, 2013 is officially a year since I started with this company. Granted 6 months of that was as a temp and 6 as a permanent employee but it's a great thing all the same. It's crazy how life can change and how everything happens. When I started this job I had just got let go from my first and only temp assignment I had ever had. I was with the company for a year with like a week in between the two assignments. The first assignment I didn't get but I understand why. I had more experience meaning more pay. But I needed a job and they never asked what I would take for pay. And they lied to me in the end but oh well. I moved to a new department and started a new assignment which like every job I've ever done, I picked up quick and was doing great. But then my youngest daughter got sick (chicken pox of the mouth) and I had to pick her up because she refused to eat and had fever. I put it off all week and just couldn't wait any more. They called right after I left saying my assignment was over. Lucky for me I don't waste time and I had paperwork done for a new agency that night because the one I was with just didn't have a lot of work at the time. That same Friday, I got a call and did an interview. Following Monday I started a new assignment with my new job under the impression that it would only last a week but I was willing to stay because I needed a job. I have three kids to support. Well that job just kept going until I got hired at the 6 month mark. I started off the new year with a new last name (went back to my maiden name finally) and a new permanent job.  I love what I do and give it my all and today has been a full year since then. 

Before that, I always felt like I was just stuck in this hole. It's like no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did or how great I was, I was just stuck in this very hard place barely able to support my family. But I never let that hold me back. I'm a goal setter, hard worker and quick learner. This job I have now, they actually appreciate my hard work. It's awesome with awesome people. 

Since working this job and getting my life straightened I really don't have as much time to write. I wish for it. I miss it. I truly enjoy it but there is just so many more things that are more important that need to be done. Occasionally like now, I make myself take a moment to express myself. But because I don't have the time for it, I've become the worst penpal ever. Like seriously. I even lost a great one because of being unable to find the time to write. But sometimes that's what happens. 

Aside from all this, I am for the most part happy. I try to always stay positive and move forward and teach my children not to give up on their dreams and don't be afraid to try or make mistakes, just learn from them and move forward.

On another note, I really miss my babies. It's been a whole month. It's not like I have to sit there and talk to them a long time when they call. It's just to hear their voice and let them know I'm still here and we still love them and we miss them. But I am starting to get the impression that they won't let my babies call me. It's like they have to be there for it to happen. They haven't even posted any pictures of them since they've been gone and normally they post a lot. I know it's just me being overprotective and worried because I'm their mom and they are my babies. But all the same. I love them and miss them as does their sister.

Until Next Time...

~Amanda Kay

People and Me (In General)

You know, I've always been the type of person who really didn't care what people thought of me. I mean I cared a little but not when it came to people not liking what I wear or how I act or the things I liked. My thoughts were, every person is unique. We all like different things and those different things influence us in many ways including our style of clothing. But I guarantee you I would never judge others though I was judged often. I had a few good friends and that's all I needed. I didn't need to be liked by a bunch of people. 

I can't say this opinion or way of thinking has changed. I still love people, I am still the very honest and dependable person always building bonds with others. And those same bonds always mean more to me then the other person as they always have. But now, with the absence of my very close friends, and with the let down I have received so often, I do care just a little more of what people think of me. But more in a sense that I want to fit in somewhat but yet still be my unique self. I want to have nice clothes and do all the things I never could afford before and in some ways I want to be liked by others. I want to find friends who will be there for me the way I will be there for them. 

You see, in this day and age, it's just so hard to trust anyone with anything. Sure, you can trust me. You can tell me your deepest darkest secret and I'm not going to tell a soul. It's just how I am. But I also love to know so I may ask questions a little bluntly. I am who I am. I like to know everything and I love to learn. Our brains are meant to be used ya know. But anyways, I don't feel like I've ever had someone I could really trust in that way. No one who would ever go out of their way for me and because of this I think I've grown tired of always going out of my way for some people. Even those closest to me. You see, I used to make time for those people most important to me. All my friends, if they needed, I'd be there. But no one has ever been there for me like that and so I just don't make the time for anyone anymore. Kind of makes me feel like if someone really wants my attention they better work for it and prove themselves because I'm tired of being everything while everyone else turns away when I need the slightest little thing. Yes that sounds kind of stupid but it's what happens when others actions start to make you bitter inside. Maybe I'm wrong for that but at least I admit to it. I mean I am an honest person and I'm not going to sit here and give you some bunch of bologna. But it is what it is. 

Until next time...

~Amanda Kay

My Kiddos

Well, as most people know, my two oldest kiddos are out of town at the moment. They are spending the summer with their Bio Dad in Alabama. This is their third year in a row so I'm not so worried about them but I do miss them so. They left June 7th and I have yet to talk to them since they been there. You see, both him and his new wife work odd hours. I assume they mean mostly nights as every time I text them, they are working the night shift at their jobs. So it doesn't leave much time for my youngest kiddo and I to talk to them because I work normal day time hours Monday through Friday while my daughter is in child care with a friend of mine. 

See, normally this wouldn't bother me so much as I know that 10 months out of the year I am with all three of my babies and never have any "me time" like the doctor suggests and that during that time they do not ever talk to their Bio Dad. The difference is, I love my kids and miss them and make time to talk to them while they are gone but due to lack of communication from their Bio Dad, it just never happens no matter when I am available. This really bothers me as does the fact that his step daughter who is like early teens, is the one watching my children each night. I only know this because they can't afford child care like I can and he refuses to tell me who is watching them meaning he thinks I will have a problem with it. And it's not so much that I have a problem with it as that I have a problem with him not telling me. In all reality though, my kiddos should not be left with another child and all. Now I know why they come back acting way worse. Their supervision is older children who basically get to do what they want and talk crap and teach my children bad things. Ok maybe, I'm being a little harsh. But my kids are very impressionable and come back with more behavior problems each year. It honestly makes me not want to take them because of the things I hear but what can  I do. He has his rights. And come this time next year they will be begging to go again and I will need a break to get us back on track financially as I do every year and it will happen all over again. Kind of makes me feel like a bad mother but in all reality I'm just following the rules and I need a moment that I never get. And how can I not let my kids see their Bio Dad if he actually wants to see them. I mean ever since he left he didn't act like he had any interest until my son was 3 and my daughter was 5. Before that he never even met my son. 

I'm just your typical mom worrying about her kids to be honest. I mean I think of all the things that could go wrong with another child watching a child and the fact that the particular people watching them are a little on the ill behaved side. And not only that but two are teenage boys. My kids don't even have a way to call me if they need me. That's what I'm really concerned about. I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting because I'm a mom and I love and miss my kids.

Until next time!

~Amanda Kay

Kidd and Bandit

July of this year 2013 would have been 2 years since my babies were born and joined our family. 

For a month now Kidd has been missing. I'm most sure of his fate. I feel bad at the fact that he came to me and appeared a little on the skinny side but then took off and never came back. I know now that he was sick at the time. He was my baby and I will truly miss him and hope that he did not suffer much in dieing. 

Bandit on the other hand came home sick seeking help. He was quite a bit on the skinny side seeing as to how he has always been a plump cat. He was my big baby. He was a real "scaredy" cat. But I think it was more a sensory overload on him. New things would scare him. Going outside, all the different things at once would scare him. He started to get used to them but still was scared. Well he came back more skinny than usual. I called the vet and they said it could be heat exhaustion and to keep him inside. He tried to eat and drink but would vomit later. I didn't realize how little he was actually getting into his body or that when cats stop eating, there isn't much time before their liver shuts down. Thinking about it makes me sad because he was my big eater. He was my bigger baby and I loved him so much. He would curl up next to me in bed and just purr at my touch. He was inside the house a full three days and nights and Saturday I had an appointment set for him and just could see him getting worse to the point where he had to have been suffering from whatever was preventing him from keeping his food down and from starvation and dehydration. There wasn't anything I could do for him. As the day went on and I could see him worsening I started thinking about the fact that I may have to put him down and it saddened me. Just thinking about possibly doing so made me cry. I couldn't eat and didn't want to be away from him. I called the vet again to see if there was any way they could see him sooner. After explaining to them what was happening they said to come up and they would squeeze me in. The vet looked at him and told me just looking at his skin and his mouth they could tell his liver was not functioning properly at this point due to not eating properly. He tried eating but just couldn't keep it down. He was severely dehydrated at this point. All these things made me feel worse and worse because what if I had brought him in Wednesday night when he first came home. What if his liver wasn't failing at that point and they could have determined the cause of not being able to keep food down and then he would have gotten better. That's all I can think about. That and the fact that he is gone now. They told me that at this point they couldn't tell why he couldn't eat and the first thing they would have to do is get his liver back on track with iv's and such which could take months. I couldn't bear to leave him in a strange place for months. I already know he was so scared even though he had no strength left to show it. I also knew I could not afford the treatment and what if he didn't get better and only suffered more. I couldn't do that to him. My only choice was to have him put down. It was so hard and just thinking about it makes me cry. I didn't even get to say good bye. Soon as  I signed the paper the lady grabbed him to take him back. At that point all I could think about was what was the last thing he was seeing because falling asleep forever. How he must have been so scared of his surroundings. All I wanted to do was be with him and comfort him in that time. We brought him home in a box. I sad my goodbyes. I had to show ZayLie who is only 3 so she could understand that he is in a better place now and not hurting anymore. She thought we gave him away at first. Then she wanted him to wake up. We let her help us bury him because I think it is important for her to fully understand the best she can that Bandit was sick and had to go away so he could feel better. 

I've not had to do this in such a long time. And he was truly my big baby and it has been so hard. It affected me to the point that I had a headache and stomach ache and just needed to lay down and sleep. I will never forget him. 

One day I may get another cat just as we planned to eventually get another dog. But I want to have the money to properly care for them and take them for checkups and all. I also want to have time to fully mourn the loss of my baby because losing an animal you love is just like losing a child. I know my three year old doesn't fully understand and to her we can just get another but at other times she wishes Bandit would wake up. What's worse is I still have to explain to my other two babies when they get back from spending the summer with their Dad. By then I should be strong enough to talk about it without crying. Until then, this is my final goodbye to both Kidd and Bandit. They were both great cats and will always be in my heart and the hearts of my children.  We love them dearly!

**Reminiscing

I'll never forget the days I brought them home and how playful they were. Kidd was a 4th of July baby born in 2011. Bandit was born the week after. They both would snuggle up next to me in bed each night making their new home their home. Kidd's favorite place to be was across my chest at night in bed or on my shoulders during the day even as he started to get too big. Bandit on the other hand always much preferred being in my lap or snuggled next to my belly at night. They got along well from the beginning and were always close. You'd always catch them curled up with one another in some of the oddest places and oddest positions. Bandit loved to stretch out when he was alone while Kidd would always find himself a pillow which would in turn cause the kids to find him a blanket and tuck him in. They lived almost 2 full years of life with our family and will always be a big part of our hearts. Below you will find some pictures of the memories we have with them...

~Amanda Kay

~~Baby Bandit~~


~~Baby Kidd~~


~~~Kidd and Bandit Love each other~~


~~~Kidd Always Had It Under Control~~


~~Sitting Pretty All The Time~~


~~Every Cat Needs A Blanket Too - He let the kids cover him all the time~~


~~Always someone to stretch out with~~


~~So cute when they sleep~~




~~They spent their whole life together~~


~~Every Cat Needs His Own Blanket And Pillow Too~~


~~Mommas Big Baby~~


~~Kidd Always Let The Kids Do What They Wanted With Him~~


~~Sitting Pretty~~


~~He Loved Me~~


~~He Love Me~~


~~Kidds Idea Of Chillin~~


~~Bandits Idea Of Chillin~~


~~RIP Kidd - You will be forever loved and missed, last time I ever saw you~~


~~RIP Bandit - You will be forever loved and missed, last time I ever saw you~~

Friends

So, I have this friend at work who I like to think we are actually pretty close. At one point it really seemed like it then something happened. I had my own suspicions of what was happening even though she didn't say. I knew it was a boy who was the cause of this difference and that she was keeping something from me. It caused us to be different and for things to happen. What she doesn't realize is that I long ago had figured it out. I'm not stupid and she is my friend and nothing can come between that. Well the other day she finally decided she was going to tell me but then didn't. Later that evening I get a message from him stating they are together and I need to stop telling her he is flirting with me because he is not. Immediately after that he sends a message meant for her stating that the next day all hell was going to break loose. Like seriously. If it weren't for that message I would have simply replied that I was happy for them because in all reality I already had figured this out myself. But then he had to say those words. Not only that but I never said he was flirting with me so I don't know where that even came from. The words I used were "he was being nice to me for once which is weird but he only does it when no one is around." Well when she relayed these messages to him, he took it as I was saying he was flirting. I told her as well that I never said he was flirting and she went at him with that because that was not what she told him even though he took it that way. Anyways, I was not upset about all of this I was truly happy I mean with the way that he is, how could she not fall for his smooth talking. He's so sweet and does all the little things that every woman wants her man to do. But at the same time, he's stupid and immature and inexperienced and clueless and very feminine. More so than we originally thought. 

Anyways, I was upset because she didn't tell me and because I had know for a while she was keeping something from me and it just wasn't the same between us because of it and of course I had put two and two together on my own but all the same, she should have just told me. She was scared to tell me. I mean she sees me like a sister but at the same time I come off like this bitch sometimes. Or I give people the impression that I'm psycho. It's just my defense mechanism that keeps people at a distance from me because to be honest, I'm tired of being hurt. But anyways, I prayed on the way to work that next morning and planned to just put a smile on my face and just be happy because that's me. Sure I wanted to have a talk with her but I didn't want to have any drama either. Well when I got there she smiled and said good morning and I replied good morning and asked if we could talk. We then proceeded to hug because we can't stay mad at each other. It really was ok. We both felt better having gotten everything out in the air. I told her that the only thing I was upset about was the fact that she didn't tell me. That she kept it from me knowing that it was fine. We both expressed the fact that we had prayed on the way to work and how we both felt better and we could see a difference in ourselves like we were back to normal with each other and all. 

After all that was out and everything, things were better. And I know ultimately what she is doing with him. I also know that when someone is that great to you that it's very easy to fall in love and that the other person moves quickly so also be careful. I don't want her to get hurt. I've also learned a lot more things about him and his family since everything. I found out that weekend she was supposed to go with me (he was too) that she went to Houston with him last minute. And the things she said he did for her are exactly him. I can't say there wasn't a bit of jealousy as that was supposed to be my weekend but I'm honestly truly happy for the both of them. She has told him to be nice to me. He's really like her little bitch to be honest. Does anything she wants and all. Which is good for the both of us because she is going to look out for the both of us. I'll always be here, he may get tired of her and leave one day. But at least now, she knows that she can tell me anything. I mean she feels so comfortable she can truly be herself with me and she really can. That's how friends are, but she was still not sure about sharing that one thing with me because she knew how much I liked him. But the way that I like him is totally different. All I wish for is his friendship because he really can be a great guy and he is a very big sweetheart with a wonderful family. I'm just happy we had a great ending to Friday after all that. Until next time!

~Amanda Kay

Random Ramblings

So here I am thinking. I truly don't write as much as I used to and I do wish to write more. I often think that is where my problem lies. It's one of the few things I love most to do and yet I do not make enough time. I decided to start a new blog and leave all the bad of the past behind and just write on a daily basis. Sure there will be some negative that still occurs in my life due to all that I have been through in the past but I feel that I need to just write day by day and no long bring up the past in my thoughts when writing. I believe I have served my purpose on the previous writings and no longer need to do so. My only real concern now is to actually write each day and the fact that I would much rather write in my journal than type here but to type here takes far less time. 

So here I am! I am struggling day by day but at the same time each day  I find reason to smile and laugh and be happy. No matter what brings me down inside, you will not see it on the outside as I much prefer to be happy. But I may write about them in an effort to keep the negative at bay. In doing this I may find people who feel the same. We may talk and discuss different things. I don't know really. I don't have a plan, I just need and want to write and writing is good for the soul and the mind. So here is to my first writing and let's hope tomorrow finds more or maybe at least once a week. 

~Amanda Kay