Not Ready Yet

Written Tuesday, April 23rd, 2019 at 10:22 AM

You're too young to start getting hurt and breaking bones. I know it's just the first time and just the bones in your hand, but it's starts somewhere doesn't it. And what if this is your start.

I see you on the outside and you seem healthy and fine to me, but are you really? It's my biggest worry for you because I am not ready for it even if it's still years away. Honestly I don't think  I'll ever be ready for those moments in life though I know eventually they will come. But I'll always be here for you when it does come no matter what.

You are my mom and I love you and will always wish the best for you but I'll also always worry.

~Amanda Kay

Not The Mother I Wish To Be

So, I do not have a great deal of time and I certainly do not wish to get emotional as I do so often these days so I'll try to keep this short.

Let's face it. I'm just not the mother I wished to be. I don't wish to just be a stay at home mom. But I do wish I could be home more. I wish to be able to support and provide for my children but still be existent in their lives versus tied to a job just to be able to support them. 

Being home with your children even a little has a big impact on them. It's honestly noticeable the difference.  

I wish I could be that parent who is able to be there for class parties at school and field day and field trips. But unfortunately I'm just not. Time doesn't allow it if I'm to support my family. But you know what I am able to do? Be there for award ceremonies at the end of every year.

I want to be that mom who  can do arts and crafts with the kids and take them on fun adventures. But unfortunately I am not. But I do sign them up for sports with all my extra cash and make it to every game. I'm not the loud parent on the sidelines but I take lots of memorable pictures we can always look back on.

I wish to one day teach my children so much more about love through foster care and adoption. There is always more love just like there are so many children out there who need someone to just be there for them and love them. But let's face it. I'll probably never get the opportunity to do this despite my ability to set goals and plan and strive to reach those goals. But, in my efforts to try I will teach my children to never give up. Giving up is the easy way out that accomplishes nothing.

Being a working mother is hard. But it's for the best for my children and ensures they have everything they need. Sure my house may not be the cleanest or most organized but it will be a home and my available time will always be spent with my children in top priority.

~Amanda Kay

May you always find strength in your days...

When All is Done...

Sometimes there comes a time when you just feel like you cant anymore. You're tired of being the strong one or the one to just let it go. Tired of being the responsible one and doing everything alone. And tired of the fact that the time you finally speak up because you just can't take it, all hell breaks loose because the other person just doesnt care. If it's not their way then it's no way. Only they are allowed to be upset. Only they can be hurt. Yet they verbally hurt you all the time. Well that's where I am right now. I've got a husband who I try to love but he only pushes me away, hurts me, lies to me and just doesnt care about me, my needs or anything else but himself. And I just cant. Normally I'd stew a few days and try to make up but that's me compromising and giving him everything as always while I'm still stuck with the short end of the stick. All I ask is for a little and still nothing. And so now I've decided I dont want to be the one this time and what does he do. He decides to ignore me. Completely ignore me.  So yet again I'm the one suffering.... so much for being married and sharing a life together.

Book Reviews

I have always had a love of reading and writing. Unfortunately time does not permit a whole lot of that any more but I am slowly working on getting back into making is a daily habit. Because of this I will be sharing with any people who read this, the books I am reading and the reviews I am leaving as I read them. I welcome any and all comments and opinions and regardless of how the book turned out, I always recommend it and still would have read it myself. So check out my newest blog I am creating on behalf of this and enjoy. 

 Mami4Life-BookReviews.BlogSpot.com


~Amanda Kay

Books Books and More Books

So I've been getting back into my reading. I'd love to get back into my writing some more too but hey, one thing at a time. I'm a busy person you know. I live a very busy life taking care of three very rambunctious kiddos who right now happen to be all three sick. But the reason I am here tonight is to share a link to an awesome giveaway for a book that I am so ready to read. And guess what! The Author is giving away a signed copy and you have the change to win. So by all means check it out because you know you wouldn't want to miss your opportunity!

Sign up here: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ODJlMmZkN2E1MTJhNDQwNWU0YmYzNDMxNTI5M2FjOjE1OA==/

~Amanda Kay

My Self

I know everyone has issue with their bodies and the way they look. I'm no different, but let me say this. I can deal with my legs and how I think they are too big, I can deal with my butt that I feel is flat and ugly but still so big and I can even deal with the fact that I hate my breasts and feel they could really use plastic surgery but my belly. That is one thing I just cannot accept.  What I see with clothes on appears like I'm pregnant when I'm not. My clothes don't fit. And without clothes I feel like a blob. This is what really gets me. How do I fix such a thing when I try and try and never succeed in this area. I won't even begin to mention the other issue with this. But I will not give up!

~Amanda Kay

Life...And Stuff

Well I can't say that things aren't coming along quite nicely. I mean I get by. I just feel like I overwhelm myself with the amount of things  I do. I have tons of pictures waiting to be uploaded so they can eventually be printed and placed into books. I have tons already printed and ready to be placed in books. I have a huge playlist of songs to still download only to later convert them to itunes so I can put them on my ipod. The problem is the time it takes to do them. Honestly, sometimes, I'd rather crawl into a good book. Which by the way my library is growing very fast. Faster than I can keep up. But the reason behind that is lately I just feel like being lazy. You see, I'm always on the go with things to do. But me rushing and stressing does not get them done any sooner. It just stresses me out more. My least favorite thing to do is pay the bills. Doing that reminds me how broke I am. Now, like I said I get by, but I don't have anything extra and somethings have to be cut back on. I don't know many people who could go without eating meat like I do. Of course I'm not a big meat fan in general but meat is the most expensive food when grocery shopping so I opt out of buying it. Anyways, life is treating us decent. I know God has plans for us and is guiding us in the right direction and honestly that is the most important thing to remember. So when like gets you down on one knee, take that moment to pray to our Heavenly Father who art in Heaven. And don't forget to do so on other occasions sometimes too.

~Amanda