People and Me (In General)

You know, I've always been the type of person who really didn't care what people thought of me. I mean I cared a little but not when it came to people not liking what I wear or how I act or the things I liked. My thoughts were, every person is unique. We all like different things and those different things influence us in many ways including our style of clothing. But I guarantee you I would never judge others though I was judged often. I had a few good friends and that's all I needed. I didn't need to be liked by a bunch of people. 

I can't say this opinion or way of thinking has changed. I still love people, I am still the very honest and dependable person always building bonds with others. And those same bonds always mean more to me then the other person as they always have. But now, with the absence of my very close friends, and with the let down I have received so often, I do care just a little more of what people think of me. But more in a sense that I want to fit in somewhat but yet still be my unique self. I want to have nice clothes and do all the things I never could afford before and in some ways I want to be liked by others. I want to find friends who will be there for me the way I will be there for them. 

You see, in this day and age, it's just so hard to trust anyone with anything. Sure, you can trust me. You can tell me your deepest darkest secret and I'm not going to tell a soul. It's just how I am. But I also love to know so I may ask questions a little bluntly. I am who I am. I like to know everything and I love to learn. Our brains are meant to be used ya know. But anyways, I don't feel like I've ever had someone I could really trust in that way. No one who would ever go out of their way for me and because of this I think I've grown tired of always going out of my way for some people. Even those closest to me. You see, I used to make time for those people most important to me. All my friends, if they needed, I'd be there. But no one has ever been there for me like that and so I just don't make the time for anyone anymore. Kind of makes me feel like if someone really wants my attention they better work for it and prove themselves because I'm tired of being everything while everyone else turns away when I need the slightest little thing. Yes that sounds kind of stupid but it's what happens when others actions start to make you bitter inside. Maybe I'm wrong for that but at least I admit to it. I mean I am an honest person and I'm not going to sit here and give you some bunch of bologna. But it is what it is. 

Until next time...

~Amanda Kay