When All is Done...

Sometimes there comes a time when you just feel like you cant anymore. You're tired of being the strong one or the one to just let it go. Tired of being the responsible one and doing everything alone. And tired of the fact that the time you finally speak up because you just can't take it, all hell breaks loose because the other person just doesnt care. If it's not their way then it's no way. Only they are allowed to be upset. Only they can be hurt. Yet they verbally hurt you all the time. Well that's where I am right now. I've got a husband who I try to love but he only pushes me away, hurts me, lies to me and just doesnt care about me, my needs or anything else but himself. And I just cant. Normally I'd stew a few days and try to make up but that's me compromising and giving him everything as always while I'm still stuck with the short end of the stick. All I ask is for a little and still nothing. And so now I've decided I dont want to be the one this time and what does he do. He decides to ignore me. Completely ignore me.  So yet again I'm the one suffering.... so much for being married and sharing a life together.

Book Reviews

I have always had a love of reading and writing. Unfortunately time does not permit a whole lot of that any more but I am slowly working on getting back into making is a daily habit. Because of this I will be sharing with any people who read this, the books I am reading and the reviews I am leaving as I read them. I welcome any and all comments and opinions and regardless of how the book turned out, I always recommend it and still would have read it myself. So check out my newest blog I am creating on behalf of this and enjoy. 

 Mami4Life-BookReviews.BlogSpot.com


~Amanda Kay

Books Books and More Books

So I've been getting back into my reading. I'd love to get back into my writing some more too but hey, one thing at a time. I'm a busy person you know. I live a very busy life taking care of three very rambunctious kiddos who right now happen to be all three sick. But the reason I am here tonight is to share a link to an awesome giveaway for a book that I am so ready to read. And guess what! The Author is giving away a signed copy and you have the change to win. So by all means check it out because you know you wouldn't want to miss your opportunity!

Sign up here: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ODJlMmZkN2E1MTJhNDQwNWU0YmYzNDMxNTI5M2FjOjE1OA==/

~Amanda Kay

My Self

I know everyone has issue with their bodies and the way they look. I'm no different, but let me say this. I can deal with my legs and how I think they are too big, I can deal with my butt that I feel is flat and ugly but still so big and I can even deal with the fact that I hate my breasts and feel they could really use plastic surgery but my belly. That is one thing I just cannot accept.  What I see with clothes on appears like I'm pregnant when I'm not. My clothes don't fit. And without clothes I feel like a blob. This is what really gets me. How do I fix such a thing when I try and try and never succeed in this area. I won't even begin to mention the other issue with this. But I will not give up!

~Amanda Kay

Life...And Stuff

Well I can't say that things aren't coming along quite nicely. I mean I get by. I just feel like I overwhelm myself with the amount of things  I do. I have tons of pictures waiting to be uploaded so they can eventually be printed and placed into books. I have tons already printed and ready to be placed in books. I have a huge playlist of songs to still download only to later convert them to itunes so I can put them on my ipod. The problem is the time it takes to do them. Honestly, sometimes, I'd rather crawl into a good book. Which by the way my library is growing very fast. Faster than I can keep up. But the reason behind that is lately I just feel like being lazy. You see, I'm always on the go with things to do. But me rushing and stressing does not get them done any sooner. It just stresses me out more. My least favorite thing to do is pay the bills. Doing that reminds me how broke I am. Now, like I said I get by, but I don't have anything extra and somethings have to be cut back on. I don't know many people who could go without eating meat like I do. Of course I'm not a big meat fan in general but meat is the most expensive food when grocery shopping so I opt out of buying it. Anyways, life is treating us decent. I know God has plans for us and is guiding us in the right direction and honestly that is the most important thing to remember. So when like gets you down on one knee, take that moment to pray to our Heavenly Father who art in Heaven. And don't forget to do so on other occasions sometimes too.

~Amanda

Fairy tale Romance and ALL THAT GOOD STUFF

So, Everyone (ok really just a lo of women) dream about having that fairy tale romance at some point in life. But is that really what they want? You see we grow up reading books and watching movies that have that happy ever after ending and the relationship portrayed is completely unreal to the real world. Now don't get me wrong, people can really be that way but the odds of meeting someone who is like that is slim. 

But anyhow, what's the real deal behind these things we see that cause us to want? Well here's the thing, usually the fairy tale romance is pretty cheesy and fake. But the want, lust, desire, the passion and all the heat that is created between the two, that is very much real. That is what people really wish to find, not the whole fairy tale romance. Just the pure desire of another. And don't get me wrong, this can be had BUT, a lot of people are so concerned with themselves in the world today that they don't take the time to care about the one they are with which means no desire, no lust, no real want and in the end no real happiness. 

Just a little two cents on the matter.

~Amanda

Dental, CPS and Life in General

So, I've got a number of dental issues. The damage of years without cleanings because without dental insurance you can't afford these things and well, dental insurance isn't available outside of a job. So now that I have dental insurance I've been trying to get my teeth all cleaned up and taken care of. Well yesterday I had a root canal. The procedure was going ok aside from the fact that this dentist has big hands and it's in the back of my mouth and he just can't get his hands into my mouth without me having to spread my mouth so far open it hurts. Well just when they were almost done, of all things to happen, the instrument broke off inside my tooth. So of course he closed up the tooth and told me what happened and where I would be going. The only thing is he told me they would have a special instrument to remove the item which was wrong. Not that he knew or didn't know this. He didn't charge me for the procedure but I also didn't get the credit I had on my account applied to it. And where  I went to, they charge twice as much plus they wanted to charge me to remove something they weren't removing. In the end, they took that charge off and let me pay the total in two payments one being as far out as a Month and a half. But they didn't seal off the whole aside from yet another temporary filling and they shaved off more of my tooth making it very sharp. Which by the way is very uncomfortable. And I have to go another three weeks eating soft foods I can practically swallow whole. So frustrated with this. 

On another note, I also found out I will not be getting the kids. It's a bunch of BS to give the kids back to a family member who sat there and watched a 6 year old grab a knife, put it to his throat and say that he hated his life and the way they dealt with it was to turn around and drop the kids at CPS. Yet they want to get permanent custody of the children. Not to mention they are supposed to allow other family to visit the children but they wont. My children and I would like to see them. It's been over a year and my children ask about them all the time. Supposedly the Foster Parent was going to call but she didn't even do that. It's so sad how things work out but all I can do is continue to pray about it and leave it is Gods hands to take care of.

~Amanda Kay